SUNDAYs WITH SARAH: 12/15/19
Advice from a Gingerbread Record Player
(12/15/2019) Hey friends, Happy Sunday! Coming at you this morning from my apartment in Allston. I’m excited to share this first little advice column which I wrote last night - please keep in mind that these are my first initial thoughts, and we really could do a deep dive on everything! I tried to keep things concise and actionable. My night turned from meh to great after I left Henrietta’s Table and decided to head over to The Beat Brew Hall for some live music.
On my short walk over, I gave my friend Grant a call to see if he wanted to meet me. He just moved back to Boston 12 days ago! He didn’t answer and I went in anyway. About 30 minutes later, he called/texted to see if I was still there. I was, and the music was BANGIN - check out Copilot. So he came and we hugged and danced a little bit after not seeing each other for over 6 months and then left after about 30 minutes because we were tired.
I biked home with the biggest smile on my face with the reminder that low key adventures, good music + friends go a long way, AND that mediocre days can turn into great nights with the right recipe for success.
And now, onto the column!
(12/14/2019) Greetings from Henrietta’s Table! One of my favorite restaurants here in Boston (well really, Cambridge). Truth be told, I’ve had a pretty meh day, but my week was jam packed and pretty freaking awesome and I’m currently sitting next to a gingerbread record player that is actually playing music so I can’t really complain. Some days are great, some days are meh. They balance each other out.
Yesterday, I had the idea to start an advice column. I was reading Dan Savage’s love column in Dig and thought, “I could do this! I would love to do this!!” So I decided to do it.
Have a vision, see that vision, make that vision come to life.
Boom here we are a day later.
I don’t know how frequently I’ll do these but let me know what you think! I enjoyed answering them!
How can I stop comparison with fitness IG’s when everyone looks perfect and in shape?
First things first, remember that Instagram is typically used as a highlight reel. Nobody wants to post a photo of themselves not looking their best, so take every photo with a grain of salt. Remember that angles, lighting, body positioning, and types of clothing make a WORLD of difference. And that’s without editing after the photo’s been taken!! Something else I’d highly highly recommend is taking stock of who you’re following…why are you following the accounts you’re following and what value are they providing you? Start unfollowing accounts that make you feel shitty. Start following ones that make you feel positive, motivated, entertained, etc. (whatever your intention for using Instagram is). Find these by searching hashtags, seeing related accounts to ones you already like, and asking around.
Thoughts on moving on from an ex?
Oooooh yes, a great topic and an important one. My biggest advice to offer here is to look back at your relationship through the lens of learning: pulling out what elements you like and want in your next relationship and on the contrary, what elements you don’t like and want to keep out of your next relationship.
Trust that the relationship ended for a reason and a greater one filled with more love than you can imagine is waiting for you - but you need to be able to recognize exactly what it is you want and don’t want in that relationship in order for it to come to life.
If you want major support, my friend Dorothy Johnson is a breakup coach - she offers one on one coaching and hosts the podcast How to Get Over Your Ex!
How do you deal with someone negative that you can’t just remove from your life atm?
I did quick brainstorming and these are my top thoughts for someone showing up negatively might look like….
They always have something negative to say about themselves
About their life
They don’t agree/approve/understand the way I live my life and always share their opinions in a non-constructive way
They talk about other people
They’re always complaining
They have obsessive behaviors
Regardless of the above, sounds like you need to protect your energy over anything here.
For me, that would look like engaging with this person as little as possible and mentally preparing myself when I know I will be engaging with them.
Ok, I’m about to see this person and they make me feel ____ because they ____. I’m not going to….
not indulge at all // Let them say what they say and don’t respond. “Live life with Vaseline on your shoulders” is something somebody once told me that I’ll never forget. And by somebody, I mean my oracle that I visit in NYC every time I visit lol. She shared that metaphor in August 2012 and I’ve lived by it since!
intentionally choose to respond in a tone that is nonjudgmental, argumentative, etc. // if you find yourself wanted to scream at them, just take a big deep breath and decide today’s not the day to say something.
Lastly, depending on my relationship with this person - I’d maybe have a conversation. I’d schedule time where the sole purpose is to chat about whatever’s going on. Similar to above in option 2 though, it needs to come from a place of non-judgment, compassion, empathy, support.
Overall, limit your time with this person. Set an intention or protect your energy every time you have to interact with this person. Intentionally decide how you want to communicate with this person. Big deep breaths every time you feel your body react to this person’s negativity.
What’s your favorite way to push through a long ass FUNK?
Write: Ask yourself what’s brought you to this funk. What are your normal go-to self care activities and have you been doing them? What else might be causing this? You know the answers, let yourself write them and read them.
Meditate: Sit, breathe, and be.
Dance. Put on music and just dance around. It shakes up the energy inside you and releases a little bit of something. every. single. time. Here are my go-to jammin and feel good playlists.
Here’s a 7 minute episode I recorded back in 2018 on using emotions as information, something that helps me wildly when I’m in a funk!
Any tips on figuring out what you want to do after graduating college?
First, make a list of all the things you enjoy doing…are you a creative? Do you go crazy for spreadsheets? Do you plan events for an org on campus? Whatever it is. After that, make a list of all the industries/jobs that sound interesting to you.
Next, find people on LinkedIn, maybe Instagram or Twitter, and/or ones you know IRL doing related things and learn more from them by doing your own digging online and/or setting up a conversation. If you approach someone with a really clear intention of why you’re reaching out, they’ll most likely give you a few minutes of their time or at least point you to some resources.
Depending how far into your college career you are, try to get jobs and internships that excite you. This is where you learn what you like and don’t like - which fyi, you’ll be doing forever and ever even after you graduate :)
Know that the job you take after graduation will 99.9% not be the job you have forever. I always like o remind students that we live in a very different world than our parents or grandparents did - when there was an expectation that you’d get a job after graduation and keep it until you retired. That’s just not our world anymore! You’ll have jobs, leave jobs, and find what works for you! Hell, you might even do your own thing! Here for you for further guidance if you want it! Xo
Also check out Startup Island and join us on a spring break trip to Costa Rica!
How do you beat the fear of being judged?
First, acknowledge the fear itself. What specifically about being judged are you afraid of? Are you afraid someone won’t like you? That you’ll come off weird or crazy (me 🙋♀️🙋♀️) ?? The reality is, we are always being judged for every thing we do or say. What’s most important is that what we say or do is truthful to us. When we speak and act in ways that are truthful to us, the right people and opportunities start appearing on a more frequent basis. When we speak our truth and someone else recognizes it as related to their truth, opportunity and connection flourish. Speaking our truth brings us closer and closer to alignment and further and further from everything else. Sure, somebody might judge you, but if they’re not aligned with your truth then does it really matter? Food for thought!
Whats your advice on bringing up getting engaged to your partner!
I’ll start by saying I’m not engaged or currently even in a relationship so take my advice how you want to. BUT I do believe communication is the key to success and I think we give certain topics and situations way more pressure than they deserve (example: this). The closest example I can share is that I once sent an email to a close friend telling him I had a crush on him lmao, which is obviously not even the same in the slightest. If your partner is someone you’re hoping to marry, then any topic should be free range! I’d think about what you want, then ask your partner what they want. Just a temperature check, to make sure we’re somewhat on the same page or else what are we doing here. I imagine this conversation will be one of those where you’ll feel like you need to throw up right before you finally get the words out of your mouth lol but once you do, you’ll finally open up this conversation that you’ve only been having with yourself this whole time!! And damn, won’t that feel great! When it comes to conversations that feel hard to bring up, I always find it helpful to write out exactly what I want to say. I’d also reference your first question about fear of being judged…how might that be getting in the way of you bringing this topic up!
How should I set big PR goals - what if no one wants to feature me/my stories?
Back to the fear of being judged takeaway…speak your truth, own your story, share your story with pride and the right publications and people will find you and feature you. Remind yourself of the value you bring to this world and how many people your story as already resonated with. Let that be fuel to set those big goals. You got this sister.
How do you figure out what you are most passionate about?
I think we create a lot of pressure on finding our passions. Some people find their passion of dancing at 5 years old. Other people find their passion for dancing for the first time at 75. Who’s to say when we’re supposed to find our own…it just happens! Here’s how: try things that spike your interest. Be open to exploring any opportunity that comes your way. Notice how it feels when you’re doing those things (and everything for that matter). Keep doing the things that feel exciting, positively challenging, engaging, invigorating, etc. Move away from what feels draining, heavy, un-constructively boring, etc. Know that your passions with evolve as you do and there’s nothing wrong with leaving one passion behind when you feel the time is right. That passion will always live within you and you never know when it might creep back up in a new way.
A good place to start is to think…what are the things in my life that I currently enjoy doing? What are the things I did as a kid that I enjoyed doing?
upcoming ways to move, dance + hang!
Monday 12/15 6AM || Tabata @ Equinox Chestnut Hill
Monday 12/15 11:45AM || Power Burn @ Burn Back Bay
Wednesday 12/18 11:45AM || Tabata @ Burn Back Bay
Wednesday 12/18 6PM || Flow into 2020: joyflow, reflection, vision boarding, wine, food with The Y Society
Thursday 12/19 3PM - 3:30PM || Finals meditation + healthy study snacks at Life Alive Brookline
free, just show up!
Friday 12/20 6AM - 9AM || Daybreaker, joyflow followed by morning dance party at Faneuil Hall
Sunday 12/22 9AM - 9:50AM || Community joyflow at lululemon Prudential
free, just show up!
12/28/19 - 1/3/20 || IGNITE 2020, Personal Growth Retreat in the Dominican Republic
Gingerbread record player! Found at Henrietta’s Table in Cambridge
